This week has been filled with a repetitive message that the universe is trying to teach me (as well as some of my dearest friends and family)… When to let go. Often, we hold on to expectations, beliefs, situations and even people, when deep down the voice inside of us is screaming “NO. GO”. Is it fear of giving up on someone or something? Is it that this person or expectation defines who we are? Is it that we feel obligated? Are we “what if’ing” ourselves into the possibility of a better future?
I have not ran since last Friday This left leg thing is really stubborn and hurts like a mother. I am supposed to be training for a half marathon in April. Sunday, husband and I attempted to run a few miles ( and for the record, husband only runs with me maybe 1-2 a year with much, much persistence). The pain was intense. I had to stop. I had to let go of the fact that running was not going to happen. I was in pain and upset because all I wanted to do is enjoy a nice sunny Sunday run with my soul man. In fact, I was having such a hard time letting go, I attempted to run 2 more times even when the tears were washing my cheeks. It was time to face reality. My body was screaming NOOO and I was responding back GOOOO. I know that I will heal and will be hitting the streets very soon. I had to let go of that run and my expectations.
The Uncle situation is a hot mess. After multiple phone calls and attempts to try to help him to help himself, I finally needed to let go of this. I can not want to live his life more than he does. The love and support is here but Uncle doesn’t want it.
Morning routines need to be followed in order for M to successfully get out the door fed, read, brushed and trussed in time for the bus. Letting this idea go has made me a less insane mommy in the mornings. Worse case scenario…if we are running behind… I take her to school( a mere 7 minute car ride). Best case scenario… no tears or screaming from anyone in the wee hours of the morning.
A hard area for me, that I am always trying to let go or balance ( damn Libra’s), is cleaning the house. It needs to be done but I don’t want it to take away time from the kiddos or from my “me” time. I am working on the fact that the house does not need to be this or that. Growing up, cleaning or having a clean room, was the only way that I was shown love. To me, clean = worthy of love or that I was not a good child because of this “mess”. Saturday mornings were spent trying to make the house spotless while at the same time praying that this would be the day that I did enough or that the house was clean enough, so I would be loved by my parents. This day never came. And I know it never will.