Holy shit. I awoke to an email today saying that I have gotten myself into the Chicago Marathon! Dear hubby was a tad scared as out loud was saying ” Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I got in. I am running Chicago”. Then the tears of joy came. Then the tears of fear came. Then praising to God and being utterly grateful and thankful came. As I write this, some 8 hours later, I am still in shock. In 6 months time, I will be running one of the most amazing marathons in the world! It will be first and maybe even my last. The journey that I will embark on while training for this event will be life changing. What I take away and leave after running 26.2 miles will make an imprint on my life forever.
Before I start training for Chicago, I am going to shatter the hell out of Toledo Glass City half marathon on this Sunday. My goal is sub2. I have not ran a race half marathon in 3 years. My friend and gal from my running group, Boston Nancy, is running with me. She is an incredible mentor and I know with her encouragement, my goals will be reached. Two of my besties will also be coming along to cheer me on as hubby needs to stay back with the gremlins!
Have you ever felt in your soul self that your life is on an amazing path? This year will be one that I will replay in the nursing home for years to come.
Yesterday afternoon, I busted out 10 miles. Truth be told, I had anxiety the entire week about this run. While laying in bed yesterday morning, I had come up with at least 14 excuses to not run the 10 miles. “Oh. Its SO cold out ( it was 30 degrees). My throat hurts. I have enough time in my training so I can skip 1 long run. I can do my run Monday morning at 5am before anyone gets up”. Husband just let me say my excuses and he listened to me play this out loud. Finally, I told him the truth. I was scared of 10 miles. Something about 10. Being out of the single digits. More time on my feet. “What if I forget how to run? What I get cold, hungry, thirsty or tired? What if I get kidnapped? What if I get hit by a falling tree? The “What Ifs” in my mind were none stop.
Husband headed downstairs to fix fancy breakfast potatoes ( so very good!) and I had more time to really face my anxiety head on. Anxiety was fear. Fear of failing. Not being good enough. The self imposed expectations that I had placed on myself were showing their ugly faces (again.) I started to do some soul searching about my relationship with running. Is this healthy if it is causing me such a level of anxiety? Running is such a part of who I am ( soul level speak here) that just like I can not imagine my life without husband, I can’t imagine my life without running.
Yesterday , I committed to myself to not live in fear of the “what if”. Sure, some things are scary because they are new or uncharted territories but you don’t know, until you know. Not to mention, I did sign myself up for the Chicago Marathon lottery. 10 miles has nothing on 26.2 miles! My current training is to hit sub2 at the half marathon I am running on April 24th.
A gal from my running group agreed to meet me for the run yesterday. She was only supposed to run 6 but after I told her I had 10 to tackle, she said ” Ah. Whats 4 more!” The run was awesome. Amazing. Goal pace was 9:30. We crushed it.
This weeks intention before running… empty my negative thoughts, fears and doubts. Right foot.Left foot. Repeat.