For lent, I declared with my dearest friend, C, to give up booze and sugar. I added mediation and gratitude. We are 14 days in. Let me be honest from the get go. I have consumed booze and I have had sugar. I have also meditated and made my grateful list. 3 times I have had some sort of alcohol and I think it is about 4 times that I have had some sort of sugar treat. Prior to lent, I was partaking in sugar daily and booze at least 4 times a week.
Some may look at this and declare a fail. Some may also look at this and think perhaps I have a problem with booze. Some may understand 100%.
I am not Catholic but I wanted to support my friend. The times that I have “given in” the guilt is present and very real. Setting goals and meeting them are motivation for me. I think that is why running is always my “go to”. Training schedule indicates to run 3 miles. Check. Done. Next.
Lent has taught me that I have attachments to above mentioned items as well as others. I am a complete asshole if I do not get to run and do yoga. My body NEEDS these things for me to feel complete. Coffee also makes the list. Mediation is now on the list too. Every morning, I make myself take 5 minutes to sit with my thoughts.
Are these attachments such bad thing? If push comes to shove, could I give up living with no attachments? If they are ok then why the guilt?
Let us also not forget my old blue Nike sweatshirt ( its has multiple stains- including bleach). For whatever reason, I remember THE exact day I bought this sweatshirt in college. It provides security for me. I can not get rid of it and I do not want too.
I will continue to do my very best with lent. I do feel much better and have more energy for my runs. I have also been straight vegan for 24 days. All I can do ( or all that we can do) is show up and do the best that we can given what the day brings .
Lent is also teaching me to be gentle with myself. Allow myself some grace for the less than stellar moments. I am ( and will remain) perfectly imperfect.